A Magical Moment

I just had to share these pictures. My coach with Seth is my friend Melissa. Her daughter Annie came from China with Reactive Attachment Disorder. She has spent the past year and a half devoting her life to healing this little girl. She'd had some big miracles the week before this and Annie's heart is letting go of so much of the hurt and trauma from her days in the orphanage. (Thanks to my amazing sister Lori.)

Melissa comes over several times a week and teaches me how to help Seth. She cheers our victories and buoys me up on days when I feel discouraged. She has learned so much, and she teaches me, coaches me and helps me keep going. We're running a marathon.

We took a break from working with Seth and let the kids be kids in my backyard. It was one of those magical moments filled with giggles and the true joy of childhood. All three of these kids have had so many losses in their life. They have all shown courage to open their wounded, neglected hearts and let their new families love them. And most of all they find the courage to find joy!

Seven is a lot more than Six!

Those people who say “Once you have four kids, you might as well have fourteen” are people who have four kids! As for me seven kids is a whole lot more than six! Life has been a little crazy around here, and I run from 6 a.m. to 10 p.m. I finally did my toilets after four weeks-YUCK!

Seth is doing great! We’re moving along through his adjustment and attachment. It’s still a lot of work, but he’s progressing just like he should. We’ve moved from a large majority of our time together in the pack to transitioning him to play on a blanket. We’re working on having him do two twenty minute sessions of independent blanket time (i.e. playing legos or blocks) followed by 20minutes that he and I interact together. It’s been a bit challenging helping him learn to regulate himself, but he’s coming a long.

I’m seeing so many signs of him attaching. He’s more relaxed, will give affection when I ask, seeks to please me, will imitate my behavior, and makes good eye contact. I still feed him everything, but he’s progressed to drinking by himself. If I leave him with Derek or Nicole when I come back he's absolutely ecstatic and so excited.

I was over at a friends house and she has a little boy Seth’s exact age. I watched him eat dinner all by himself, and then get down and play and wander the house at will. “No wonder I’m so busy and tired”. It made me realize how much time and energy Seth is still taking. But he’s worth it! He’s healing his heart and his brain. I hope to find a minute and share more about this healing process. It’s been so fascinating.

He has the most delightful, fun loving, zest for life personality. He wanted to come in the shower and I told him he wouldn't like it 'cause there would be water splashing in his face. He insisted so I thought I'd just 'show him'. Instead he was squealing with delight and reveling in the new experience. We’ve all fallen totally in love with him, and now that he’s attached to me he can interact more with Derek and the other kids. They’re loving this, and it gives me somewhat of a break.

So, life is good, busy, but good. Hoping it will settle down just enough that I can start posting a bit more. I've missed it!

Nicholas Has Passed On To Another Life

Nicholas, my wise Chinese scholar has gone to the next life. I have not posted for a long time knowing I needed to post about Nicholas. I wrote everything up the day after I found out he passed away, but don't know why I just couldn't put it up on the blog. Maybe because then it's real. I think the hardest part is knowing that he died alone. It's also so hard wondering if he had a Mom if he would have lived. There is such great power in the love of a Mom. If he had a Mom cheering him on, holding his hand, telling him to keep fighting would he have lived? Would her love and strength have carried him through long nights, through the pain, and given him the courage to overcome. I hope God sent angels to be with him when he was frightened and hurting and all alone. It seems like such a cruelty that a child doesn't have a Mom. Even more cruel for a child to take their last struggling breath all alone. What breaks my heart is that there was a Mom, a friend of mine who was ready to claim him as her son. She was ready to fly over last month and bring him home. But governments, and paperwork and bureaucracy made it impossible. Still she was ready to start homestudies and paperwork to bring Nicholas to her home and into her family. But he'll never be hers, and he'll never know life with a family. I think of a million orphaned children in China alone, all without Moms, without Dads, without anyone to fight for them, love them or believe in them. And then more orphans in Africa and Europe and Haiti and all over this world. All without a Mom or Dad. All alone. My heart breaks thinking of it!!

So here are the details. Nicholas had his surgery on August 7th. It didn't go as well as hoped but they were able to repair his heart. Amanda stayed with him during the surgery, but he had to stay for quite a while in ICU and so she had to return home to the other children while he stayed. He fought hard but it seemed one thing after another quit working in his tiny body. Blood clots, lung infection. And finally on August 20th he passed on to the next life. He was loved and he will be remembered.

I wrote this when I found out he was gone:

I AM ONLY AN ORPHAN

I am only an orphan but Amanda and her friends came to the Xian Orphanage. They noticed me, they believed in me, and so they picked me to go home to the starfish foster home.

I am only an orphan, but Cyndie held me the whole Taxi ride home, feeding warm milk and kind words. She looked deep into my eyes. “You are my Chinese scholar, you have such wise eyes. You are destined for greatness.” She saw me, she saw magnificence, she saw a future.

I am only an orphan but Derek & Cyndie tenderly and lovingly weighed me and bathed me and dressed me, wrapping me snuggly and warm. Derek and Alex named me Nicholas.

I am only an orphan but Lisa from Texas held and rocked and fed and cooed, gazing into my eyes filling me with gentle smiles, words of hope.

I am only an orphan, but Amanda loved and cared and worried why I wasn’t growing.

I am only an orphan but she spent time and precious money running tests, searching for answers, wanting and willing me to start growing.

I am only an orphan but she was worried when they found I had a serious heart condition.

I am only an orphan but volunteers who had come all the way from America flew with me to Hangzhou so I could be seen by one of China’s top Pediatric Heart Specialists.

I am only an orphan but Dr. Li and Dr. Xu wondered and worried about how to help me.

I am only an orphan but Amanda worked to get me everything I would need.

My heart was in bad shape, but I was worth the chance, worth the money, worth the effort.

I am only an orphan, but across the sea in America many people had heard of me and were praying for me. The Dobson Family, the Mathenys, the Browns and others, had seen my picture. They talked of me, worried for me and said many prayers for me.

I am only an orphan but Dr.Li & Dr. Xu spent hours fighting to repair my broken heart.

I am only an orphan, but in the end my body didn’t have the strength to keep fighting. On August 20^th I left this life for a better.

I am only an orphan, but my passing brought tears, and heartache, and deep mourning from Amanda, and many others. Grief and anguish were felt for the life I would not lead, the family I would never belong to.

I was only an orphan, but I was not left alone. I was abandoned once, but rescued so that I didn’t have to leave this life unknown and unmourned. I knew tenderness, a gentle touch, a lullaby, and eyes filled with love. I was loved by many, I will not be forgotten. Now I am home with My Heavenly Father. I am His child. I am loved, wanted & cherished forever, I am no longer an orphan.

"He Strengthens Me"

"He Strengthens Me" is now on the side bar to the right. Thanks Allyson for helping me figure out the technical aspects of getting this song onto my blog. Thanks Mom for your help with the music. Thanks Kerilyn for singing it just like I feel it. And mostly, thanks to my Savior, who has strengthened me and enabled me far beyond my own capacity.

My "Good", My "Bad" & My "Funny" July 27th

My "Good", My "Bad" and My "Funny"

We have a tradition in our family. It’s called, “Your Good, Your Bad and Your Funny”. It came about because I was frustrated at dinnertime when I’d ask the kids about their day I’d get the perfunctory, “Fine” “O.K.” We weren’t creating any connecting conversations. So now at dinnertime or bedtime I ask, “What was your, “Good”, your “Bad” and your “Funny”. This generates some pretty good conversations and we all learn a lot about each other's lives. I was laying in bed last night asking my kids and one of them asked me, “Mom, what was your ‘good’ your ‘bad’ and your ‘funny’.

I’ve been thinking back on my week and here goes.

My Good

I have many goods, I've taken pictures of some of my favorite 'goods' from this week. Aren't these priceless moments?! My other good was an evening at Girls' Camp.

I was asked months ago to be on the camp committee. I told them I couldn’t because I’d either be in China, or home from China, but busy attaching with my new little guy. They asked if I would just be on the planning committee, even if I couldn’t come to camp itself. As we began with our vision statement, theme and scripture we asked ourselves, 'What do these young women, ages 12-18 need. What does their future hold, and what can we give them to take them through life?' As we talked we felt that these were good, righteous, intelligent, capable, beautiful girls. But even though they made good choices and lived good lives, they would still face many hard things in their lives. Whether it was divorce, infertility, health challenges, economic difficulties, difficulties with their children, being single, depression, or abuse most of them would have hard things. We felt if during those hard times, they could find the strength of God, through Christ’s atonement they could do all things. We chose as our scripture,

Phillipians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

I was in charge of the music and wanted a song that would set this theme in their mind and hearts. I searched and searched but couldn’t find one. My Mom is a composer so I asked her if she’d write me a song. She said if I would do the words, she’d help with the music. I had never written a song, but it was a blessing to write this song together with her. My dear friend Kerilyn with her amazing voice recorded it.

This past week was Girl’s camp and I was sad to be missing it. On Tuesday evening I decided to leave Seth with Derek (he was totally fine despite my stressing about it) and go to camp for their special evening fireside. At the end all 400 girls sang ‘my song’ “He Strengthens Me”. (I’ll put the words at the end of the blog and you can listen by clicking the link of the right). It was so powerful to be up in the mountains, surrounded by trees and hearing all these beautiful young women declaring their faith that “I can do all things, through Christ who strengthens me.” It renewed my own faith that I can too. This was definitely a ‘good’ for the week.

My “Bad”

I feel really bad about Nicholas having to go back to living in an orphanage. I know it’s only temporary, and I know Dr. Li has asked for him to get special care, but I just hate it. He needs to be with a foster family than can give him the one on one that he needs.

My “Funny”

I was on a walk with Becca and Seth around the back sidewalk and Becca and I were talking,

“I don’t really like our house”, she said. I was surprised. I think our house and yard are fabulous. “Why not?”

“I don’t know. I just don’t like them.” I was rather perturbed.

“Well, if you don’t like our house I think you’re spoiled and ungrateful”

“I still don’t like it”

“Well, when you grow up you can live in the kind of house you think is perfect”.

“Oh, when I grow up I’m not living in a house. When I grow up I’m going to be a princess and I’ll live in a castle!”

You just keep right on dreaming princess!

**************************************************************************

He Strenghthens Me

Text by Cyndie Dobson

I yearn to change my worldly heart

But doubts of self choke out my faith in Him

I try, and fail, I’m not enough

With contrite heart seek pow’r beyond my own

The winds that blow and storms that rage

Leave me trembling for relief

You reach for me with outstretched hand

“Help Thou My Unbelief”

The change begins within so small and soft and still

But looking back the change has come

And I am strong

CHORUS

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me

His pow’r enables me with strength beyond my own

And then he takes me past the narrowness I see

I can do all things through Christ my Lord

He strengthens me.

--------------------------------------

I cling to words from long ago

And prophets for my day who lead the way

Through prayer I seek the Father’s will

And faith to go and do what He has shown

I push through mists that cloud my view

Shunning voices from the world

I yearn to set my burdens down and let Him carry me

The pow’r begins to grow I stand thru wind & storms.

“My Christ, My Lord, You’ve strengthened me”

And I am strong

CHORUS

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me

His pow’r enables me with strength beyond my own

And then he takes me past the narrowness I see

I can do all things through Christ my Lord

He strengthens me.

Watch What You Grab to Eat!

You better watch what you grab to eat at the Dobson House this week. We've got poop in the fridge and a dead rat in the freezer.

Now I am not a notoriously clean housekeeper, but I have always tried to keep a level of cleanliness that would keep us from being shut down by the Federal department of health and safety. However this week has compromised my standards.

Seth had to have a full physical after coming home from China. This included a stool sample to rule out Giardia (which Becca brought home with her). I started first thing in the morning by lining his diaper with plastic (somehow the chemicals in the diaper react with the fecal material and change it's chemical composition, so it must be collected with plastic). The problem with using plastic to line the diaper is that the diaper doesn't absorb any urine. It all runs out through the leg. Now when you're packing this little tyke in a front pack, and the urine runs out the leg, guess who gets soaked in pee? Yep, that would be me.

Now normally Seth has his daily constitutional in the morning so I decided to persevere, even at the risk of being soaked in pee again. All morning, no sample! Perhaps during his nap? No sample. More leaking pee. Afternoon, no pooh, just pee, all over me. We're having fun by this time. I start to worry if we'll be able to collect our specimen. I called the lab. They closed at 7:00. I started praying he would produce the specimen so we could rush it to the lab. Still no specimen. I called the lab shortly before they closed. "What do I do if I get the specimen after you close?" "You must keep it refrigerated until morning or we won't be able to use it." How could she say this calmly like it was no big deal to stick a pile of pooh in the fridge.

At 7:02, he finally pooped. The lab was closed. I called Derek in to help me collect the specimen in the cup. The things they never tell you when you sign up to be a parent! He suggested that since the lab was closed, maybe we just wait and try tomorrow for a specimen. "Are you kidding? I'm not spending another day covered in pee trying to collect poop!" "What are you going to do with poop?" he asked. "We'll just put it in the fridge until morning" and I said it just as calmly as the lab lady. I did put it in a brown lunch sack and staple it shut, so that I wouldn't have to see a blob of pooh staring me in the face (yes the specimen cup was clear) every time I opened the fridge.

Now when you live in a big family the good food goes quick, and if something looks new and interesting you'd better put dibs on it quick. Several of my children came to ask, "What's in the brown lunch sack?" "Pooh, Seth's pooh" I replied as calmly as the lab lady, like this was the most natural thing for them to find in the fridge. I'm sure they silently vowed to be more careful about what they grabbed out of the fridge.

Now my Carlie loves animals. I've never been much of an animal lover myself, but I have allowed pets primarily because of Carlie. Carlie also suffers from middle child syndrome (4th of 7) and so she enjoys the 'shock' value of life. When she turned 8 she wanted to use her birthday money to buy rats. For several months prior to her birthday she told me of her plans. I told her, "Carlie, I love you, but I don't think I can do rats." She persisted, I persistently refused. Her birthday came and we went to the pet store. We were looking at Hamsters and Gerbils and I was asking the pet-shop lady about which she thought would be better. "Actually," she said, "Have you considered rats?" I looked at Carlie who was beaming. This had to be a set up, but I knew it couldn't have been. She then gave me her spiel about why rats are such great pets. We walked out half hour later with two female rats, sisters.

I have since repented of my earlier prejudices about rats. They have been wonderful pets, great with my kids and very intelligent. But their tails still creep me out and I never hold them. Carlie has adored them (and enjoyed scaring quite a few people with them as well). On Friday morning Carlie went with her Dad on a quick trip he had to take to Las Vegas. Shortly after they left that morning, Gregory came in and told me "Stripey isnt' moving and her eyes are open." When I went to investigate, "Stripey" was dead. I knew how broken hearted Carlie would be. I called her. They were still several hours outside of Vegas and wouldn't be home until the next day. When I told her she sobbed and sobbed. "Carlie, would you like me to bury her?" "No, I want to see her one last time and have a funeral" I had anticipated that would be her wishes, but I was worried about how fast little "Stripey's" body would decay and I didn't want her to look too awful by the time Carlie came back. So I found a shoe box, filled it with stuffing, covered it with a cloth and laid out Stripey. A true act of Mother love. I put the lid on the box and then stuck it in the freezer. I put rubber bands to make sure everything stayed IN the box. Once again my children sniff out anything new and interesting, "What's in the shoe box in the freezer Mom?" "That would be Stripey's dead body. You'd better not eat her, Carlie wants to see her in one piece."

And so, everyone at the Dobson house is just a bit more cautious when they look in the fridge and freezer for something to eat!

Update on Nicholas

Here's an update on little Nicholas. He's not going to be able to have his surgery right now. He and Amanda made the long trip to Hangzhou and Dr. Li has checked him out thoroughly. Dr. Li said his heart condition does not require immediate surgery. Nicholas has two major infections, one a bacterial infection in the lungs that they'd like to have cleared up before they do the surgery. He also needs to gain some more weight before he has his surgery. He's gained almost 2lbs since July 3rd, but he's only 8 1/2 lbs. They also found out he has a rare form of Spina Bifida. He'll need to wait for about two months and then have his surgery for both his heart and the Spina Bifida.

However Dr. Li won't let him go back with Amanda to Xian. He needs to stay in Hangzhou so that if his heart starts having trouble he can do immediate surgery. Amanda tried to find a foster family, but most of the foreign families are home on summer leave. They'll have to leave him in the Hangzhou orphanage. Dr. Li assured Amanda they would take good care of him. Please continue to pray for little Nicholas that his body will fight these infections and will be able to gain the weight he needs.