Nicholas Has Passed On To Another Life

Nicholas, my wise Chinese scholar has gone to the next life. I have not posted for a long time knowing I needed to post about Nicholas. I wrote everything up the day after I found out he passed away, but don't know why I just couldn't put it up on the blog. Maybe because then it's real. I think the hardest part is knowing that he died alone. It's also so hard wondering if he had a Mom if he would have lived. There is such great power in the love of a Mom. If he had a Mom cheering him on, holding his hand, telling him to keep fighting would he have lived? Would her love and strength have carried him through long nights, through the pain, and given him the courage to overcome. I hope God sent angels to be with him when he was frightened and hurting and all alone. It seems like such a cruelty that a child doesn't have a Mom. Even more cruel for a child to take their last struggling breath all alone. What breaks my heart is that there was a Mom, a friend of mine who was ready to claim him as her son. She was ready to fly over last month and bring him home. But governments, and paperwork and bureaucracy made it impossible. Still she was ready to start homestudies and paperwork to bring Nicholas to her home and into her family. But he'll never be hers, and he'll never know life with a family. I think of a million orphaned children in China alone, all without Moms, without Dads, without anyone to fight for them, love them or believe in them. And then more orphans in Africa and Europe and Haiti and all over this world. All without a Mom or Dad. All alone. My heart breaks thinking of it!!

So here are the details. Nicholas had his surgery on August 7th. It didn't go as well as hoped but they were able to repair his heart. Amanda stayed with him during the surgery, but he had to stay for quite a while in ICU and so she had to return home to the other children while he stayed. He fought hard but it seemed one thing after another quit working in his tiny body. Blood clots, lung infection. And finally on August 20th he passed on to the next life. He was loved and he will be remembered.

I wrote this when I found out he was gone:

I AM ONLY AN ORPHAN

I am only an orphan but Amanda and her friends came to the Xian Orphanage. They noticed me, they believed in me, and so they picked me to go home to the starfish foster home.

I am only an orphan, but Cyndie held me the whole Taxi ride home, feeding warm milk and kind words. She looked deep into my eyes. “You are my Chinese scholar, you have such wise eyes. You are destined for greatness.” She saw me, she saw magnificence, she saw a future.

I am only an orphan but Derek & Cyndie tenderly and lovingly weighed me and bathed me and dressed me, wrapping me snuggly and warm. Derek and Alex named me Nicholas.

I am only an orphan but Lisa from Texas held and rocked and fed and cooed, gazing into my eyes filling me with gentle smiles, words of hope.

I am only an orphan, but Amanda loved and cared and worried why I wasn’t growing.

I am only an orphan but she spent time and precious money running tests, searching for answers, wanting and willing me to start growing.

I am only an orphan but she was worried when they found I had a serious heart condition.

I am only an orphan but volunteers who had come all the way from America flew with me to Hangzhou so I could be seen by one of China’s top Pediatric Heart Specialists.

I am only an orphan but Dr. Li and Dr. Xu wondered and worried about how to help me.

I am only an orphan but Amanda worked to get me everything I would need.

My heart was in bad shape, but I was worth the chance, worth the money, worth the effort.

I am only an orphan, but across the sea in America many people had heard of me and were praying for me. The Dobson Family, the Mathenys, the Browns and others, had seen my picture. They talked of me, worried for me and said many prayers for me.

I am only an orphan but Dr.Li & Dr. Xu spent hours fighting to repair my broken heart.

I am only an orphan, but in the end my body didn’t have the strength to keep fighting. On August 20^th I left this life for a better.

I am only an orphan, but my passing brought tears, and heartache, and deep mourning from Amanda, and many others. Grief and anguish were felt for the life I would not lead, the family I would never belong to.

I was only an orphan, but I was not left alone. I was abandoned once, but rescued so that I didn’t have to leave this life unknown and unmourned. I knew tenderness, a gentle touch, a lullaby, and eyes filled with love. I was loved by many, I will not be forgotten. Now I am home with My Heavenly Father. I am His child. I am loved, wanted & cherished forever, I am no longer an orphan.